There is this boy. I dated him for two years, and I finally broke things off with him this January. Not because I didn't love him, because I did, and I still do. I broke up with him because I couldn't trust him. He had hurt me so many times by being dishonest, or cheating on me. I know that should be a no brainer. Just drop him right? Well it's just not that easy. Since we have been broken up I haven't talked to him much. Maybe a hello here and there, but that is it. See the first time we broke up was in September of 07 and I didn't speak to him once until the end of October. Now, I am confronted with a dilemma. All the sudden he is in my head, more than usual. I know that I am okay without him, but sometimes I just miss him. I miss him because I love him regardless of what he did to me. I miss him because he was my best friend. I miss him because I don't know him anymore. But then there is this side of me that is so prideful, and that can't let things go. I have such mixed emotions that I have no idea what I should do. The biggest problem is we don't know how to be "just friends". It's like we either have to be together, or not speak. Even if we try the whole "friends", it always turns into something more. Maybe we just don't know HOW to be friends...
Somedays I do just fine, but other days I contemplate texting him alll dayy long.
Another problem is that I just simply do not know what I want. I want him because it's deep, and I am almost too impatient to wait around and find that feeling with another guy. But then again I really enjoy the care free life I live. I can go out and do whatever I please. I have developed many exciting friendships that I would probably have to set aside for him if we were to get together again. That is something that I definately do not want.
I guess I just miss him, bottom line. But I don't really know how to handle it. I mean how do you let someone you love, just go? I need to find a medium with him so that I will be so satisfied, and less empty inside.
I know we don't work as a couple anymore, no matter how bad I wish we would. There will never be a time where I can forget what he has done, although I forgave him. There would be too much drama, and too many unnecessary tears for my own good. But I wish he was still part of my life, maybe even if it's just in a small way.
If there is anyone else out there who knows something I could do, or has some advice..send it my way. :)
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5 comments:
Morgan I totally understand where you are coming from because I was in that same situation and my older sister talked to me about it and just made me realize to not be immature, if you think you still have feelings for that guy tell him, he may too. And if yall talk about it and it does not work then atleast you know that yall were able to TALK so obviously then yall may just be better as friends. Just don't let it bother you. Whatever is meant to be will happen! Just let life run its course!
I know how you feel. It has happened to a lot of people. And if it hasn't yet happened to anyone else who might read this, congratulations. It is hard struggling with those feelings of not wanting anything to do with him because he betrayed you and still loving him because of the good times spent together. I was cheated on by my boyfriend of three years. I had gone away on a work-related trip and came back a day early to surprise him. Well...he surprised me instead. By sleeping with my best friend at the time. Kind of a double whammy. But Morgan, it takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself. You may love him regardless of what he's done to you, but you must love yourself more and not allow him to do that to you again. And if that means you give him another chance or if you tell him to get lost, know that you are making either decision with your best interest at heart. Just my $0.02
See you in class. Mike
I feel for you because that is a hard decision to make. I think it is so hard because your feelings are so involved. It is even harder because you do love him and love is not something that you can just make go away. I think that you should just tell him how you feel about the whole situation and you will feel so much better.
BAABY GIRLL!!
I think you need to whatever your heart is telling you to do! If you think you want him, then take him! You know you can have it, because you kick ass. DUH. Also, you have been supporting my ass for weeks now. You been trying to help me make some difficuly decisions, but in the end I just had to listen to what my heart was saying. You can listen to your mind, but it is always more fun to listen to your instincts and your heart. If you have doubts in your actions, then wait. The best way to solve all this is to hang out with him and see if he is the same person, which was not good enough for you. IF he is willing to make the big gesture and you love him, then take that shit! I love you forever and always!
I've got one of those too. We broke up when he went to UT and it got crazy. He came back to Memphis and we sort of talked again, but it wasn't the same. The things you say, the things he did, that kind of thing never goes away. Try it again, and if you know you shouldn't, it'll become REALLY apparent.
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